"Gay men use the gym as a place to socialize and to have secret liaisons in the bathrooms. If your man returns from the gym too exhausted to talk or have sex, that is a worrisome sign."
If your husband comes home from the gym "exhausted," it could also just be a result of working out. Wait, what are we saying? He's DEFINITELY having "secret liaisons" in the bathroom. Obviously.
"It’s quite common for young men to enjoy the science fiction end of popular culture, but when your husband becomes overly obsessed with romantic and feminine shows, that is cause for alarm."
Is your husband a fan of shows that DON'T appear on the Sci Fi or History channel? SOUND THE ALARM.
"Big cities offer indulgence of every kind. From gay bars and clubs to prostitutes and sex bathhouses, a man seeking encounters can find them easily if he’s so inclined. Is there ever really a good excuse for a husband to visit Thailand or San Francisco without his wife?"
Ladies, if your man's job takes him to San Fran or Thailand on business, watch out. He's probably definitely having a gay rendezvous.
"Does he go shirtless in the back yard or at picnics when other men are around? Does he wear a Speedo at the beach? Does it seem like he’s purposely standing right in the middle of a crowd to show off his chest and arm muscles, peppering people with questions about how strong he looks?"
Standing shirtless in a crowd and 'peppering' people? That last example sounds less like the behavior of a homosexual man and more like the actions of a mentally-disturbed vagrant.
"Gay men don’t need words to communicate their availability for sex 'hook ups.' They silently broadcast the news by showing off their lean, hard bodies in designer clothing labels. If your husband owns skinny jeans and looks at his buttocks in the mirror, it is probably worthwhile to pay more attention to his private activities."
Wait, so gay men have a secret telepathic connection? Like ESP? Also, it's 2010. You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn't own skinny jeans or check themselves out occasionally.
"A man who is secretly engaged in homosexual activity with others may exhibit feminine qualities when they get together in a group. In a sense, he has “let his hair down” and this will be seen in excessive back talk and speaking with one’s hands."
We had no idea that 'excessive back talk' or 'speaking with one's hands' was reason enough to think that someone is secretly gay. Then again, we don't live in Cazy-town, USA.
"If you have gone down this road and find that your man perks up at the sight of the men in these sorts of videos, you should be concerned. If he selects films because of specific male actors, this is an obvious sign that he is suffering from a crisis of ego and desire."
If your man expresses his love for other men while engaging in sexual activities, then yeah - he's probably into guys in some capacity. But a 'crisis of ego and desire?' Nah...
"Does your man disappear on drinking binges for long hours without answering his cell phone? Is there a strange odor about him when he returns, some strange mix of cigarettes and gel? Does he cry frequently?"
Yes, because all men who drink, smoke, use gel, or cry are secretly gay.
"Natural men have a certain amount of grit about them. They sweat and they smell. Homosexuals often abhor this sort of thing and will also be incredibly particular about the cleanliness of the home. Does your man tweeze his eyebrows, trim his pubic hairs or use face moisturizers?"
So "natural" men are all lumberjacks, and if your husband's face is dry and he uses lotion, he's gay. That totally makes sense. And if he cleans the house, forget about it! He's sleeping with another man!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Words to live by..
"The turnaround came when I got up one morning and realized the sun was shining whether I wanted it to or not. CHOICES. That's the word. That's when I realized that every day I had a choice. I could choose to be miserable, or I could choose to move forward. Obviously, I chose to move forward."
"I kind of feel like as much as this hurts it is also an opportunity to change my life for the better and make me a better person and make more positive choices for a better life."
"It would have been easy to crumble during those three strikes. But instead, I decided to use my life experience as a case study for others who are having to start over in this day and age."
“True happiness knows no crisis, only another mountain to climb.”
"I had tried to make excuses for not pulling the trigger, but everything I came up with seemed to fall flat. Then, there was another voice in my head that stopped me just before I pulled the trigger. He said 'just breath for one more day.' At that point, everything seemed to wash away.
My life is better because I gained strength in that small voice. Nothing can be so bad as to take your life … there are always choices. I’ve gained a strength, compassion and resilience that I take towards every aspect of my life."
"I decided when I found out I had cancer that I was not afraid to die, but I was, likewise, not afraid to live. That is the gift I give to my family."
"We now have the honor and privilege of serving others who many times are just as broken as I was ... NEW LIFE? That is an understatement! :):):)"
"We all have come through this in a positive way and I think it is because we approached it that way ... Yes, maybe we don’t like our choices, but we have them. The trick is, to make the right choice and to realize that the right choice is sometimes not the easy choice, but if you put the work in, you can get so much out of it in the end."
"To this day, it has amazed me what compassion and empathy people can give you when you need it most."
"Life, while ultimately short, is a process … Time marches on and only time reveals those ups and downs. We win mini battles. We go on."
"This experience, and many others since have taught me that nothing stays the same forever, that time (and the world around us) keeps moving providing opportunities for us to change our direction. We have become creatures of habit and find comfort and security in habit, but sometimes things change and those habits impact negatively on us, and breaking a habit (especially the way we think) is scary."
“I think what pulled me through the most was my absolute refusal to live my life in a wheelchair ... I still have many challenges ahead of me, but I'm determined to succeed. We're only given one life, and despite it all, we have to make the best of it."
"The insight that turned me around emotionally was to separate my self-identity from my finances … that my debt did not define me."
"Suffering does not have to be a crutch or a badge of honor, it can be a useful tool in our lives to mold us and shape us into individuals of valiant character and a strength for others to overcome similar struggles."
"Initially I was knocked sideways, but with the passage of time and help in the form of therapy I gradually began to recognize my experience as a wake-up call."
"We have to heal as human beings to heal the world."
"When life presents many different colors and shades of pain and struggle, use them to paint a portrait of survival and determination. Rejection, despair and disappointment are common on the street of life but they make you appreciate every single moment you spend with success."
"The key question you need to answer is, do you want to die? Or do you want the pain to go away...? If you want to die that's too bad because nothing lasts forever, not the bad, nor the good. Just hang on a bit longer and you'll see the rain will stop, the sun will shine and there will be a rainbow waiting for you, I promise!"
"I kind of feel like as much as this hurts it is also an opportunity to change my life for the better and make me a better person and make more positive choices for a better life."
"It would have been easy to crumble during those three strikes. But instead, I decided to use my life experience as a case study for others who are having to start over in this day and age."
“True happiness knows no crisis, only another mountain to climb.”
"I had tried to make excuses for not pulling the trigger, but everything I came up with seemed to fall flat. Then, there was another voice in my head that stopped me just before I pulled the trigger. He said 'just breath for one more day.' At that point, everything seemed to wash away.
My life is better because I gained strength in that small voice. Nothing can be so bad as to take your life … there are always choices. I’ve gained a strength, compassion and resilience that I take towards every aspect of my life."
"I decided when I found out I had cancer that I was not afraid to die, but I was, likewise, not afraid to live. That is the gift I give to my family."
"We now have the honor and privilege of serving others who many times are just as broken as I was ... NEW LIFE? That is an understatement! :):):)"
"We all have come through this in a positive way and I think it is because we approached it that way ... Yes, maybe we don’t like our choices, but we have them. The trick is, to make the right choice and to realize that the right choice is sometimes not the easy choice, but if you put the work in, you can get so much out of it in the end."
"To this day, it has amazed me what compassion and empathy people can give you when you need it most."
"Life, while ultimately short, is a process … Time marches on and only time reveals those ups and downs. We win mini battles. We go on."
"This experience, and many others since have taught me that nothing stays the same forever, that time (and the world around us) keeps moving providing opportunities for us to change our direction. We have become creatures of habit and find comfort and security in habit, but sometimes things change and those habits impact negatively on us, and breaking a habit (especially the way we think) is scary."
“I think what pulled me through the most was my absolute refusal to live my life in a wheelchair ... I still have many challenges ahead of me, but I'm determined to succeed. We're only given one life, and despite it all, we have to make the best of it."
"The insight that turned me around emotionally was to separate my self-identity from my finances … that my debt did not define me."
"Suffering does not have to be a crutch or a badge of honor, it can be a useful tool in our lives to mold us and shape us into individuals of valiant character and a strength for others to overcome similar struggles."
"Initially I was knocked sideways, but with the passage of time and help in the form of therapy I gradually began to recognize my experience as a wake-up call."
"We have to heal as human beings to heal the world."
"When life presents many different colors and shades of pain and struggle, use them to paint a portrait of survival and determination. Rejection, despair and disappointment are common on the street of life but they make you appreciate every single moment you spend with success."
"The key question you need to answer is, do you want to die? Or do you want the pain to go away...? If you want to die that's too bad because nothing lasts forever, not the bad, nor the good. Just hang on a bit longer and you'll see the rain will stop, the sun will shine and there will be a rainbow waiting for you, I promise!"
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter"
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter"
Friday, March 19, 2010
two wolves fighting
One day an old Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson. He said, "There are two wolves fighting inside all of us -
the wolf of fear and hate, and the wolf of love and peace."
The grandson listened, then looked up at his grandfather and asked, "Which one will win?"
The grandfather replied, "The one we feed."
the wolf of fear and hate, and the wolf of love and peace."
The grandson listened, then looked up at his grandfather and asked, "Which one will win?"
The grandfather replied, "The one we feed."
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)